Weight Loss – My Personal Struggle
My Struggle
Weight loss has always been my biggest struggle, I remember being as young as 11 years old dreaming of losing weight. I’ve never been a skinny girl, the last time I remember weighing in the 100’s was 7th grade, I was 175lbs. By freshman year my weight had climbed to 220lbs which I maintained throughout my teens. I used to always equate being skinnier with being beautiful. I wish I could go back and tell my 11 year old self that I was beautiful and am beautiful no matter what the scale says. I know you’ve heard this a million times, but I’m going to say it again anyway, beauty comes from the inside, you can be the most attractive person in the world, but be ugly on the inside and that’s what people will see.
Note to anyone out there that has ever said this, the most backhanded compliment you can give a girl is, “you have such a pretty face, if only you lost a little weight”. No and bye!!!
When the number started to climb
In 2008 at 19 years old, I met my son’s father, we had a tumultuous relationship and brought out the absolute worst in each other. I was completely miserable in our relationship and my life and gained a lot of weight. With that said, I have grown and am a better person for going through this and will be forever grateful that out of our relationship I was blessed with my sweet boy!
I’m going to share with you my number! I have been embarrassed by it for so long, but more than anything I’m proud of where I am today. At my highest weight I was completely miserable with myself and I was 308lbs, I was at my heaviest and I knew I had to do something about it. I decided to have surgery, “DRASTIC, I know,” but at the time I felt it was the best decision for me. I got the Gastric Sleeve done on June 20, 2011. I had to do a see through liquid only diet a week prior to surgery, and I weighed in at 296lbs on the day of my surgery. I’m not going to lie it’s the most painful surgery I’ve ever had, and I’ve had my gallbladder removed and a C-section. However, this literally felt like someone ripped out my insides and the gas pain was unreal. I was completely miserable for at least 4-6 weeks after surgery. On the bright side, I lost 80lbs in 6 months weighing in at 216lbs, I was under my high school weight, and I was completely ecstatic!
Left Picture is at my heaviest weight.
After Surgery
I was told prior to surgery that I shouldn’t get pregnant for at least 18 months, so I could lose as much weight as possible. The reasoning behind this is when you’re pregnant your body releases progesterone, which relaxes your stomach so you can eat more to give your baby all the nutrients it needs to grow. I’ve never had normal periods, I’m sure due to my weight, sometimes I would go 6 months at a time without one. I’m sure you can see where this is going, on January 27, 2012 I found out I was going to be a momma, I was pregnant with my beautiful son Brody. He is the best thing to ever happen to me and I’m so blessed to be his mom! During the first trimester I continued to lose weight, I lost another 16lbs, I was down to 200lbs. During the second and third trimester I was able to eat more than I normally could and I gained 32lbs, bringing me back up to 232lbs. When I brought my son home from the hospital I had already lost 16lbs of the weight I put on and was feeling great. Then, my husband and I hit a very rough patch he took a job in another state without asking me and I didn’t want to go with a newborn baby, so he went and we stayed. I was home alone all the time and got depressed and I was back up to 260lbs before I knew it. I would get on a health kick lose 20lbs and then gain it back, you get the picture. I would yo yo between 260lbs and 240lbs. By this point my stomach was already stretched out so it was purely up to me to lose weight, pretty much like I never even had surgery to begin with and losing weight is hard!
When I found out I was pregnant with my son.
Pregnant with my son.
On November 15, 2015 I found out I was pregnant again and I was so happy because being a mother was the only thing that brought joy to my life. We went to the doctor and the baby was small 6 weeks 1 day and we could see the heart pumping but couldn’t hear the heartbeat yet. They scheduled me to go back on December 23rd for another sonogram. On December 22nd I started bleeding, we went to the emergency room and the sonogram tech could see the baby had grown and was measuring where it should have been it was 8 weeks 1 day, but there was no heartbeat. I was completely devastated, shattered, broken, I don’t know if there are enough words to describe what I was going through and the amount of pain I was feeling. I knew in my heart the baby was gone but I went ahead to my sonogram appointment the next morning, and the sonogram tech confirmed what I had already known my baby was no longer living… I was miscarrying. Everything was a blur, I went to see my doctor who was about to go out of town for Christmas, I was given a Rhogam shot, and medication to pass the baby naturally. I blamed myself because of my weight and I think it’s natural to want to have someone or something to blame. The doctor said that it wasn’t my fault and that these things just happen. I was so sad and I wanted to replace what I had lost, in the moment this made the most since to me and it gave me something to look towards. I knew I had to make a change so that I would be as healthy as possible so that I could get pregnant again.
My Fitness Journey
First day going to the gym.
Weighing in at 248lbs, I started going to the gym the second week of January 2016 after being cleared by my doctor. I honestly had no clue what I was doing but I knew I needed to do cardio. The first night I started on the treadmill but quickly realized this would be way too hard on my knees and body in general. The bike became my best friend not the uncomfortable upright bike, but the seated elliptical style bike and I stuck to it for several months and started to see results. By January 16th I was weighing in at 232lbs, eating right and exercising 30 minutes to an hour 6 days a week, and I started to see results. By February 13th I was at 224lbs! We moved back to my home town in March of 2016, we weren’t in a great spot financially or in our marriage and I took a break from the gym getting the house put together, and I started seeing the scale climb a couple pounds, so I scaled back on my food intake. We were continuing to have problems and split on June 28, 2016.
July 2016 After our split.
I weighed myself for the first time in a couple months and I was at 220lbs, I poured myself into the gym and focused on taking care of myself and my son. By July 23rd I was down to 211lbs and the thought of being in the 100’s again fueled my desire, I worked my butt off figuratively and literally! July 31st I was at 205lbs, I was grasping for my victory only 6lbs away!!! On August 31st the victory was mine I weighed in at 198.4lbs! December 14th I was at an all-time low of 174lbs I hadn’t seen 170’s on the scale since I was 13, this was huge to me!
Maintaining a healthy weight & exercise.
I have been in maintenance mode since December 2016, I fluctuate from 178lbs to 186lbs depending on the time of the month. I continue to monitor my food even though I now know proper portion sizes, it just helps me when I see the scale on the higher end, I can go back and look at what I’ve been eating and determine where to make changes. I started weight training in April of 2017, it makes me feel so powerful and like I could do anything, there is no feeling like it. I still do at least 20-30 minutes of cardio at each workout. Some days I only feel like doing cardio and I’ll do a 45 minutes cardio session on the elliptical, treadmill, and stair stepper. On the days I do weights I spend an hour at the gym or longer depending if I do cardio at the gym. I don’t live very far from the gym so when the weather permits, I jog there and back to get my cardio in and focus on weight training while I’m at the gym.
Also, I did Camp Gladiator in March 2017, they had a promotion called March Madness and if you got so many check-ins it was only $16 for the whole month, it’s truly amazing and the cool thing is it’s go at your own pace! I’ve done it a couple of other times, during their birthday month promotion, and I actually have a free month this month I’m going to take advantage of. Pros of Camp Gladiator, it burns calories like crazy, the group setting empowers you to work your hardest because you want to do better than the person or team next to you, and lastly you have a trainer encouraging you to work harder than you probably would on your own so you’re getting a better workout. Another pro is if you have any old injuries or just something that is not at your fitness level yet the trainer will work with you, so you still get a good workout. Like me for example, I injured my knee in high school, so any jumping, lunging, or impact exercises will re-injure it, they have exceptions for each exercise as long as you speak up and say this one isn’t for me, they’ll give you other options. Cons, it’s more expensive than my gym membership and not all classes work with everyone’s schedule.
Note*
I tracked everything I ate through the Livestrong My Plate app. I’m not an expert, dietitian, nutritionist, or licensed in anything, I only know what has worked for me and if I can help you in any way I would be glad to. You can message me through my contact me on my blog, message me on my Facebook page, stay accountable with my Facebook group, or if you know me personally call me. I would be more than happy to share what I know.
Current Goal
I still have goals of my own to crush, right now my personal goal is to get to 160lbs on the scale. I will post twice a month with updates, so look for those posts. I’m going to try to achieve this by June, prayers are welcome! I started at 185.8lbs on January 1, 2018 and I’m at 183.0lbs as of January 6th, progress is progress, and Rome wasn’t built in a day and good things come to those who work for it!
Blake and I at the gym January 6, 2018.
Check out my gallery below of how I have changed through the years. I’m proud of the person that I am today, not just externally that’s still a work in progress, but internally I have learned to always love myself no matter what size I am. I’m so thankful to God for my journey, for blessing me with my sweet perfect handsome son Brody, and for sending me Blake; the most loving man I’ve ever met, who makes me feel beautiful even on my worst days.
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until next time…
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